"I'm coming back to the Heart of Worship, when its all about you, Jesus" 

Last Thursday's acapella worship reminded me to go back to the Heart of Worship. To worship God every single day of my life. Not just through voices of songs and hymns, but also through fixing my eyes on Jesus, to honor God in my family, my workplace, my school, and church. To obey His commandments and have a heart of gratitude unto the One who takes control of all my unpleasant situations in life. While I was reading at the library, I came across this passage of a book I picked up: 

"How do you convince the world that God is alive? It is by His aliveness in our life, by His works in producing reality in my experience. But if I don't know how Jesus look like in my work (or school), then how will others see Him through my work (or school)? " 

BAM.

We don't want to just focus on producing worldly needs and forget our sole purpose in life, the purpose of what God calls us to do. We are ambassadors of Christ. When we fix our eyes of Jesus, the author and perfecto of Faith (Heb 12:2), God will also fix His eyes on providing for our needs - He will thus do more than what we can ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20) . 

I felt like I had a revelation? I truly knew in my brains that we have to honor God in our environment that God places us in, but I never knew how Jesus would look like in my situation. Truth is it is pretty easy to become ambassadors of Christ when we are on the mountains top, but a pretty challenging one in our valleys low. 

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I was in a indescribable kind of season where my heart feels troubled, when I simply just feel like throwing everything away and walk out of it. I realize I was desiring more for the fleshly needs than fixing my eyes on Jesus who could overcome all things. I felt unequipped, inadequate. And when Pastor Kay said this: God cares more for His ministers than His ministry, I felt that God was telling me He simply cares about me more than what I could do for Him. And if I cannot do well in where He has called me to be, then it's time I find somewhere that could build me up, more than continuously feeling teared down and eventually ruin this relationship. 

Or even perhaps, setting my heart right before God. 

I recalled of the time when I was a baby christian, I would pray every single week that God, you help me to kill awkwardness, you help me to set my heart right that I am going to church for You, not for anything else. And God never fails to amaze me every single week with the things that happened, and after every prayer, I would receive it with faith. That God will do amazing things today.  

How much I have forgotten to do so now every single day, I forgot to surrender these all to Him to take control. Like how Pastor Kay put it, we got to "die" everyday, to nail it onto the cross. Every sins and every troubled hearts. That is part of a heart of worship. 

So Lord, help me, build my discipline, build my faith, to surrender all these to You everyday. I need this heart of worship. 

On a side note, 

Signed the student contract, officially a uni student now :D 

Then I asked God, so now what?