If I rise on the wing of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 

Psalms 139:9-10

I've been having an ongoing fear, losing a sense of direction of what I should be doing, and where I should go during this gap year. Whether I should serve the community, continue on travelling, or go on a full time job. The thought of a blurry direction..... scares me. 

 

But yesterday le sis randomly invited me for a Swensens ice cream tea time in town yesterday, with God in action I was reminded of many many areas of my life that I have been lacking focus on. And that includes my r/s with God. 

For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror, for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. James 1:23-25 

Many a times God speaks to us, and convict us to do what we should be doing. Sometimes we get convictions from God in church, during our quiet time, or even in the shower where God drops a word in your heart for you to accomplish, and the moment of conviction you tell God "yes I will do it!". But yet when the moment you step back into the world, your heart turns otherwise. And your heart turns otherwise, because of the other expectations from the people around us. 

I have been reminded umpteen times recently about having a close intimacy with God, and doing God's will, God's way through our recent sermon, and even in online articles on Christian websites. As we were talking about God's calling I questioned the both of us on how papa and mummy will react if one day, we were called for a long term mission in another country with nothing. No money, no job, but we simply just wanna go by faith. Sounds like a cool thing. AH YES. But lets just be real when it really happens. How many people will ever support our decision? Will the constant objection become the reason why our heart and conviction waivers? And then we come back to the key question..... is it really God who wants me to go..? 

Warfare warfare warfare... So real in this world. 

And so real in our lives. But because God promised that we are His victorious kids, we are able to move on with God. And only when you truly apply James 4:7 into your life, then we are able to say "For we walk by faith, not by sight". 

......

Is God not giving me a direction, or am I not accepting His answer?