Recently at work it has been a lot of youtubing to kill time for the 11 hour shift with little customers coming into the shop to browse through our clothes, and there I came across watching an entire series of Supersize vs Superskinny, an american variety show that has been going on for around 7 to 8 seasons, speaking about a supersized and a superskinny participant coming together to exchange diets, while health risks were being discussed as well as a few life stories on Anorexic and Obesity. 

For the past 5 years starting from my journey in the poly life, I've seen many many friends going through the puberty stage where weight consciousness became the center of their life. I felt a little guilty yet unable to explain the reasons why every friend I got to know off, ended up going on diets, trying to become thinner and thinner. Especially when a friend accidentally says "did you gain weight?", you know it triggers the thought of being too fat. 

I always hear remarks such as "I only ate a meal today", "Omg I look so fat here", "you can afford to eat more cuz you are skinner than me", "I'm hungry just now but now I feel full so I'm not gonna eat". 

Then I ponder upon the reasons why, I always asked myself why, and without any doubt, I became frightened in the way I portray myself in front of them because of the way I was taken as a comparison to their own body image. I once fell into the stage of an ugly body image as people start going on diets and losing weight and there I went: "I think I look bigger than them, I need to lose weight". But before I could go any further than will harm my own health, God came into my life and took over my devastated mind. 

I think in every single one of us has this deep longing and desire to be loved, to be recognised, to be worthy to other people. These thought were led by past hurts or even insecurities of our own self-worth. In this modern society where perfect and pretty people are depicted as skinny lads, there is no doubt that every one wants to look skinnier in order to look prettier, especially in the HTM industry where good looks are defined as one of the most important aspects to succeed. In this "kiasu" society a lot of us wants to achieve something more than other people, which leads to a series of comparison. Unable to compare ourselves with results or talents, people eventually sought after comparing how skinny one can become or even how pretty they can be, which eventually leads to serious health problems physically, as well as mentally. I'm not saying all of us are like that, but we cannot doubt that we don't know any of these people. 

To think about it, how many of us actually wanted to lose weight because we are fully aware that our diets are leading to a series of health problems? Or do we just simply want to lose weight in order to "look better"? I truthfully asked myself this question before, and there the answer was expected. But then at the same time I knew God wanted me to commit this struggle into His hands, to let him be in control, to let God get me out of this temptation, and there Daddy God goes, always amusing me with situations where I skipped dinner and someone random would come to me with food, that whenever I turned upset, God's assurance would fill that emptiness within me. God's love, overcomes all things. Because of God's love, that I found my security in Him. Because of God's tangible presence, that I knew that I was loved, not for my abilities, not for my talents, but He loved me for who I am. 

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Exercise Thursday w le fellow TP-ians ^_^

I've got to cherish the last few moments with the TP people before I move on to IGNITE :') Afterall they were the ones who stood by me when I grew in Christ, where we worshipped together, play together, felloship together and eat together every single Saturday. Really thankful to know this bunch of people! 

Lunch was at home for the past week, and I've only gotten a few more days to save up some extra bucks for the Malaysia trip on Tuesday. But it's okay I like cooking ^_^ But cooking just for myself is like... meh. Nobody to share the love with since my family only sticks to the usual routine of plain old porridge.......